Rafiq The Guru Phillips

Bio adopted and adapted from Quirk.biz :

Legend has it that Rafiq Phillips was conceived of and in the interweb. This self appointed SEM Guru is the love child of Google’s Larry Page and Sergey Brin. It is said by his peer, that Rafiq has been the industry, in one way or another, long enough to understand that making sense says nothing about one’s character – but rather in his words “reveals the inner i and connects you to the wwworld around you”.

Rafiq has repeatedly popped up on our radar as somewhat of a playboy, Wogan May one of the lesser known stars of the online space had this to say about Rafiq : “when I was a small boy, all I wanted was a real name, a name which didn’t warrant severe beatings and bogwashings. A sturdy and masculine name like Rafiq would have been nice”. We all agreed with Wogan – and prodded him with a broom stick, until he cried. Wogan was clearly dismayed.

Symbion Putterman one of Rafiq’s most vocal fans, shook and wept when we jokingly offered her a chance to meet Rafiq, “my preciousssious” she snapped, as she hunched over and bobbed up and down with glee. We’d brought along a box set of Lord of the Rings (anime ed.) in case of emergency and we tossed it as far as we could from us, Symbion scratched at the air and ran after her prize. We just ran as quickly as we fucking could.

We managed to corner the rather rotund Rafiq whilst on his summer vacation in the Swiss Alps (see above). He was out of breath and had just emerged from his latest acquisition the iCocoon.

Rafiq Phillips, much to our bemusal, is a lively little four foot creature, which took us all by surprise as he seemed so much taller online. Although Charl Norman on many occasions had promised us of its visibility we did not see any signs of the small calcium deposits (Charl called the deposits horns) growing out of Rafiq’s skull. The steel forehead, which apparently “guarantees 100% wifi reception worldwide” was clearly visible but the horns definitely not.

Rafiq opted to respond to our questions via his twitter stream (which we’d assumed was a part of his digestive tract but were it appears wrong). Rafiq has since his disappearance opted to replace his vocal chords with a bluetooth speaker device connected to his “life-stream”.

B.M : “If you could meet one person on this earth who would it be”

@Rafiq : “I are 127.0.0.1 w00t w00t!”

B.M : “Okay…”

@Rafiq : “Would u base ur personal fundamentals on the same thing that makes bank of america sink?”

B.M : “Not really, no, would you base yours on what you’ve learnt at the Google creche”?

@Rafiq : “All bees r programmed do the same ‘dance’ on lemon blossoms with variations due2blossom age”

B.M : “Yes but what does that mean, care to explain?”

@Rafiq : “It means respecting those who understand the code and use it ethically not the code itself”

B.M : “So are you trying to say the world is simply just a body of code?”

@Rafiq : “i have an idea id like2share with u”

@Rafiq : “Getting an idea from inside ur head onto paper in english any1understands takes alotta thinking”

B.M : “Thanks Rafiq, that’s all we need, k bye”

@Rafiq : “Would we need a .gov in a society that was #open !!!”

@Rafiq : “Stop, drop, climb into SERPs, open up shop. Oh, no,thats how Web AddiCT(s); roll”

@Rafiq : “Stop, drop, climb into SERPs, open up shop. Oh, no,thats how Web AddiCT(s); roll”

@Rafiq : “Stop, drop, climb into SERPs, open up shop. Oh, no,thats how Web AddiCT(s); roll”

And so he chanted, on and on, we packed up our recording equipment, waited for him to walk away scratching his round little head, still chanting “Stop, drop, climb into SERPs, open up shop. Oh, no,thats how Web AddiCT(s); roll”…

No words, just a silent prayer to the almighty Yusuf, that our friend @Rafiq will be ok.

Transcripts of this interview can be found @ www.twitter.com/rafiq