BeatMagSA offers link love for your soul

10Oct08

In a bid to win over the hearts and minds of the South African bloggers BeatMagazine will now be offering link love. There are a few rules however, and stringent adherence to said rules must be maintained in order acquire the necessary “electronic – social – capital” to warrant a “link-love” or “link lust”. Whatever you cool kids are calling what you do in the bushes these days.

In order to acquire linklove from BeatMagazine you would need to provide us with the following  :

1. 3 months bank statements (so we can chuckle)
2. A verified copy of your Identity Document (so we can snigger at your adolescent-fro)
3. A smallish brown box, the contents of which will include : your soul neatly bound and polished (rub all that pigeon shit off of your shoulders please), a small Tupperware container filled with your frozen tears, a lock of your hair and access rights as an administrator to your personal blog
4. A written waiver of all of your rights as a human being, if you haven’t already done so by attributing your success in life to your blog’s prestige on Amatomu

Your personal details will not remain confidential and your salary will go viral amongst advertisers. We will be creating credit – card fliers for those desperate moments when Mr Visa can’t cut the coke any more.

Your soul, worthless in its tangled but intangible form, shall be placed in the BeatMag offices as a trinket, it’ll glow like fools gold and attract others just like you.

The smallish brown box you  will be used for our cigars.

We shall let your tears thaw, add them to our left over pizza and feast on your maligned discontent.

Your hair will be tossed in the bin, we were just taking the piss, seriously what on earth would be do with a lock of hair..

Your admin rights to your blog. You can keep them, we couldn’t rival the sort of crap made up in the blogosphere daily. For instance, BeatMag was not behind Ramon Thomas’ outburst, nor are we responsible for blogger’s myopic vision i.e. we don’t populate muti with links about Twitter applications in the face of the World Banking crisis, although we’d love to.

You have already started to monetize your existence as a thinking human entity, we thought we might take this one step further and ensure that the transfer of your identity from man / woman to fictional blogging – blob was completed with little fuss. Waiving your rights to your claim as a human being will ensure that you can enter the web 2.0 world tabula rasa (blank slate) to be assimilated into the machine.

Should you agree to all of the above, simply sign on the dotted line below and one of our representatives will call you short, I mean call you shortly (reed shorty)

…………………………..

BeatMag will not be responsible for the up keep and maintenance of your human form, and will inevitably cast it and its hollow contents into the nearest pit. All BeatMag pits are however kindly donated by Neotel.

Happiness and love to all.

Vince.

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