Eve Dmochowska, super star

07Oct08

 

The ellusive Eve D

 

Eve Dmochowska is generally considered a mystery in the online world. The obvious reason is due to most people’s inability to pronounce her surname. When we questioned online miscreant Vincent Hofmann, his comment to us was “How can someone with a three letter name have such a complicated surname? I can’t pronounce it”. 

The second question playing on many people’s minds is how does Eve make a living? Andy “The oldest man on the net” Hadfield was quoted once as saying: “No one knows what Eve does but with a surname like that I’m not sure I want to know”.

Being the investigative journalists that we are, BeatMag did an expose into who the real EveD is. After extreme digging we found out that Eve is in fact a CIA operative working to depose African leaders. The problem is… she’s not very good at it.

We found out that Eve was responsible as the mastermind of the Equatorial Guinea coup and if you ask Simon Mann, you’ll know that it wasn’t extremely successful! She was also involved in a plot to kill Robert Mugabe by sending poisoned cigars which failed to kill Mugabe when Eve swapped the poisoned cigars with the syphilis containing cigars.

The CIA actually tried to fire Eve but she took them to the CCMA on the grounds of unfair dismissal. The case is still on-going and we will report back as soon as possible.

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