Mandy Demon Crusher De Waal – top three least influential bloggers

29Sep08

Kneeling over her latest victims, who’d been torn into bite size pieces, she looked up to us and growled “that was numbers four and five on my fucking list”. “A..a…a..cool no problem Mandy, none at all..none at all”.

We’d arrived as Mandy had invited Beatmag for an interview and to help her construct one of her infamous lists. She scuttled toward us, still gorging on the souls of sub – editorial staff and lesser mortals she’d clearly had for second breakfast. Mandy a red – eyed, eight legged jargon – spinner was compiling a list of the “least influential bloggers in South Africa”. We were only too happy to help.

“Give me the first one” she said whilst crunching what appeared to be Simonb’s smallish skull. “Well, we thought about this one quite a bit, and we thought at number one Matthew Buckland”. Shaking her head displeased, she silently scribbled as we spoke of Matthew’s abysmal failures. I recounted my vision of Matthew dressed as a clown, his make up running down his tear-stained face, handing out balloons at Spur, crying “Cirque de so lame!”. Mandy nodded knowingly – she sipped on her iced G&T and beckoned “tell me more”, all the while peering over her glass at Saul. Her comments about his writing, flattering as they were, seemed to tell a story of a stronger more disturbing fascination with his forehead..”uh well, and there was this one time we saw Matthew desperately handing out his C.V at Sandton City, but that isn’t something we’d really want to publish on the internet, would it?” Mandy stared at me, I stared at the wall behind her, shaking.

Quickly interrupting the awkward moment, I muttered “what about this Duarte fellow?” Mandy probed, “who?” I wasn’t entirely sure, but replied nonetheless “Dave is the lesser known brother of the famous Jesse Duarte, you know the one man, she’s in the ANC and stuff. Anyway, I heard the other day that Dave, since watching ‘good will hunting’, lives under the stairwell of UCT’s marketing department, biding his time reciting Seth Godin’s lectures and scratching at his ever-growing hump.” “Yes, yes it is his social experiment, huddle mind, he huddles clinging to his Godin ideology and we simply don’t mind, and he doesn’t matter” muttered Mandy.

“More, give me more!” she grew more excited, and snuck ever closer to Saul. I retreated a little. “Well uh number three on the least most influential bloggers list is, you.” Saul looked at me, I looked at him, we spun around just as our guest blogger WoganMay arrived.

Filed under: Shaken   |  10 Comments
Tags: dave, mandy, matthew, taking the piss