I’ve met the elusive Mr Phillips in person..
a few times more than you….

The Holy One chose to sit within 3 meters of me one day…
(allowing me to believe I was his superior,
when nothing could be further from the truth..)

So I believe I am highly qualified to insist you document the following “factual” corrections to this story :

1. He’s not a playboy. He declined an invite to the FHM 100 Babe-a-thon party recently , to avoid a bevy of bimbionic breasts – so he could spend the evening at home with his beloved.

If you’re nice to him, maybe he’ll pass on his FHM invite to you next year.

Sometimes – he aspires to be like Barney from How I Met Your Mother – mainly so he can wear snazzy suits.

2.His name actually means “friend” in Arabic. Sometimes “gentle friend” depending on the dialect. He’d have to be called “Hariz” to have any relation to sturdiness..

….2 fatwa’s for all of you for bad research.

3.He has met Larry of Larry& Sergey Fame. In person.
I haven’t.
Have you ?

No he’s not their love child…
but wouldn’t it be cool to have 2 parents like that ?
Even if they were fabulously wealthy & in the closet.

4.Rotund ?

I think your paparazzi photographed an imposter. I’d ask for a refund.

The Real Rafiq is lean & slim & just under 6ft…He’s also one of those lucky b#stards who can eat everything and never develop a beer belly.

The photo would be more plausible if there was a BRIC country scheme in the background – because that’s where his work takes him… Tell your pappo to pick a photoshop background from Moscow or somewhere in Brazil or India next time..

Have passport & Mac.Will travel.
That’s his motto.
What’s yours ?

5. Symbion Putterman is not his only fan.

In his recent sojourn in hospital – his father had to keep a calendar of visits, to make sure he wasn’t inundated with lady visitors, vying for his attention.

He also had women of all ages expressing their maternal instincts & cooking food for him across the Western Cape…. & delivering their culinary gifts to his ward like clockwork. The surplus was enough to feed 2 orphanages daily…

6. “guarantees 100% wifi reception worldwide” that’s not entirely true.

There are parts of China, areas in Siberia ad the mid-Pacific where he cannot pick up wifi with his inbuilt antenna.

In those remote places, he resorts to cyber-telepathy… (a new technology he is currently patenting… and which Qualcomm are quite interested in buying a stake in..they’re talking 7 or 8 figures, euro.)

7. His obscure tweets are actually messages (in encrypted format) directed at your subconscious, from a highly evolved C25th Civilisation. He is merely the messenger.

Keep reading them. through their abstract beauty one day you might become magically enlightened, without trying.

Don’t shoot the messenger.

Well, I managed to evade just about every type of beating there is, lol. It seems that the Beat in your Magazine has very little to do with the pulse, eh?